I CAN'T BE BOTHERED

SO FUCK OFF I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH THIS BLOG ANYMORE.

#12 When hard drives FAIL

So, I'm preparing for university. Getting my portfolio of graphics and whatnot all together, you know, all that shit. Since the dawn of my computer life, I have had my faithful extra hard drive. Each new PC I get, I take it out of the old one, and place it in the new one, thus not losing any of my personal files/work/music et cetera.

But recently, this 'faithful' piece of hardware decided to fail. Completely. Also take into consideration that this happened at 3am. So I was tired, probably drunk knowing me, and my computer life had just been erased. All my art, music, porn, dental records. Fucking everything.

I punched the walls in, screamed, bellowed profanity out of my loft window hoping to wake my entire street up, dramatically threw shit about. I’m not normally a violent person, but turns out, you take a normal person’s hard drive and make it FAIL, they start to RAGE uncontrollably.

Well I learnt my lesson, fucking BACK EVERYTHING THE FUCK UP. Like, on maybe 8 different hard drives. You might have a chance then. Fucking computers.

#11 People that have pride in shit they didn’t choose

I’ve noticed that in this fine age, people tend to have a lot of pride in shit they didn’t have any fucking choice in. Congratulations humanity.

For example, I've never understood why people have so much pride in their country. My Mother is one of these people. Whenever something comes on TV about the queen, or about the empire Britain used to have, she turns into Winston Churchill and starts shouting loads of patriotic shit at me. I have no pride in my nationality/eye colour/gender et cetera. I didn’t choose these things, why the fuck would I have pride in them? She’s not the only one though. Just browsing the net you come across people that love their country so much I think they’d actually have sex said with said country if it was actually possible. You think your country is great? Well, I’m sure it is, but kindly refrain from talking about it all the time unless you want to come off as a victim of brainwashing.

Same goes for sexuality. Proclaiming that you’re “straight as a ruler and proud!” makes you look like an utter cock. I mean, what the shit, you have pride in the fact that you’re attracted to the opposite sex? I mean you didn’t choose that did you, that’s just how you are, fuckwit. Saying that, I’m all for gay pride though, gay pride is like telling homophobes and old people to get with this new age of tolerance and acceptance, or to fuck off.

Yeah, yeah, that’s a double standard, I’m a hypocrite. I don’t give a fuck.

#10 People that make similar blogs to yours and then advertise them in the same way

I know I'm not original. I know that. For fucks sake, I made a hate blog, everyone has a hate blog.

But when someone also makes a hate blog, buys a fancy domain to stick it on, then advertises it in the same way as me, on the same forums, it starts to irk me. I've now got to compete with some arsehole that has a fancy domain name, hooray.

Now, to blow myself off, I've had a lot of people tell me the shit I write here is good. I get random PM's from people telling me that X article is really funny. His blog however, didn't even give me a smile. It's just him rambling on about shit that isn't funny. Erasable pens aren't funny. Neither are earphones.

#9 Old People On The Internet

What the fuck are all these old people doing on my internet? I was browsing a forum I frequent for lulz and what have you, when to put it nicely, a more 'mature' member of the community decided to call me and a friend 'simple children' because we posted sarcastic replies to a thread. Obviously no sarcasm detector present in that dried up old sponge called a brain eh? Never fear madam! I shall remember that the internet is serious business when I post in the future!

PROTIP : You don't get respect just because you're old. You actually have to be wise, being a typical anti-gay, anti-young people, anti-EQUALITY conservative condescending bitch doesn't mean you're better than me, and therefore, deserve respect.

Shouldn't these 4o plus people be doing something else? Like knitting or making me, a child, cookies or some shit?

#8 Hypochondriacs

Pricks that think they’re ill all the time and need help. Fuck off. Seriously, I don’t care, and the rest of us don’t either. The image above is from a forum I frequent. It’s a forum support board, and he’s asking for psychological advice. Hello? The members here are all like 13 and want to talk about Dragonball the movie and how to make codes, not listen to you bitch about your gay little neck click affliction.

Old people think they’re ill all the time too. Tell you what, how ’bout I euthanize you right now and put you out of your misery?

#7 The 'Old' Days

Why do old people and the BNP like the old days so much? In the old days people died of syphilis and gout, and everyone was annoying and intolerant.

We want to bring these days back? Fuck off, I like my computer, tolerance, and disease free genitals.

#6 Jeremy Clarkson

This man is the biggest cunt ever. Jeremy “I’M LIVING IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY” Clarkson is a fucking moron. He doesn’t like political correctness, he doesn’t give a shit about the environment and he’s not funny, but thinks he is. He also thinks that Britain is a “Third World Country” because in the UK we have: “late trains, jammed roads, useless banks, a baffling tax system and schools where the kids have to be fat to prevent the knife wounds from reaching any major organs.” [Source]

What the fuck pal, last time I checked you had a house, food and enough Land Rovers to kill the planet four times quicker than any other person, and you think you’re living in a third world country? OH BOO HOO LATE TRAINS? WAA WAA BAFFLING TAX SYSTEM? What a fucking prick.

I’d like to make a new TV reality show, where Jeremy Clarkson has to live in an actual third world country. That, or we make a show called “Jeremy Clarkson Vs Hungry Lions LIVE”. I’d enjoy watching this cock being eaten alive, I really would.

#5 Pizza Hut Kids Parties

So, after dropping my sister off at her mates party today, me and my Mother decided we would go for a Pizza Hut. Why not eh? I hadn’t had pizza in ages.

We get there, get seated, and just as we are handed our menus a kids party goes into full swing. Screaming, crying, and food throwing all occured. There were parents there, it’s just a shame they all shared about forty brain cells between the lot of them, because not one of them stopped the fucking apes they called their offspring from ruining my friday evening.

It went on through the duration of the meal, all I can say is, if there happened to be an AK-47 or something of the sort near by, I would have put it to some very, very good use.

At the end of the meal, the waitress brought us our change, I told her to keep it, and she responded with a laugh and said “Thanks, I’ll use it to buy some paracetamol.”

I felt sorry for the bitch, I was out of there after a few hours, she had the rest of her shift to do.

#4 Fanfiction

So you like writing, but you’re also into fantasizing about unrealistic comic/cartoon/video-game/movie romance pairings? Well then my good friend, fan fiction is something you should consider writing!

I have set out a detailed step by step guide that anyone can follow, in order to share their wildest, most unrealistic fantasies with others via the internet.

Step One

Pick a cartoon/movie/comic/video-game you like that has a few characters and a storyline.

Step Two

Pick two characters from your selected area, these two characters are going to love each other and/or have sex in your fiction. Pro Tip : The more noncanonical, the better! Yeah! You heard me! Harry Potter fans pair Ginny and Hermione together, Phoenix Wright fans pair Miles and Phoenix, Mario fans pair Mario and Daisy! NEVER FORGET THIS PROTIP.

Step Three

Seeing as you’ve picked an noncanonical pair, you now need to make up a noncanonical situation! For really romantic/fluffy fiction (works especially well with a homosexual pairing) revolve the main story around how the two characters are confused about their feelings, then end all that sappy shit with a climax where they have sex and then say they love each other. Or, for a more drama-esque fiction, make some shit go down at the start which in the end draws the noncanonical pair together! Then make them have sex. Write your story, no talent necessary, but it might make it more bearable.

Step Four

Head over to FanFiction.net, or if your fiction is really adult themed, to Adult FanFiction.net and sign up! Make a pen name or whatever, then upload that ace fiction you just made up! Many others just like you will love your story, and comment on how much they loved your style of writing, and all that other arty shit.

Step Five

This isn’t a step, it’s more of a congratulations, you are, a FANFICTION WRITER!